Q. I've heard that you are available for sex. Is that correct?
A. Yes, that's correct.

Q. Would you be interested in getting involved with the charity I work with?
A. No.

Q. But I haven't even told you the charity's name?
A. I said no.

Q. What are those little rodent yokes that live in the Andes called again? Like squirrels, but bigger?
A. Chinchillas.

Q. Woah. Did you see that?
A. No, I must have missed it. What was it?

A. I don't know. It was like a flash of light, or something. 
A. Weird.

Q. What are you wearing?
A. Not a stitch.

Q. I catch you sniffing around my wife again, I'll put a bullet in your head.
A. That's a threat, not a question.

Q. Can I come live with you for a while? I want to get to know my father. 
A. No, I don't think it's a good idea.

Q. How can I find out more about Flanology, the religion you founded?
A. Email me your bank details and a representative will contact you within 6 to 8 weeks.

Q. Is that true about the thing? 
A. Not sure what you're referring to.

Q. How many people have you killed?
A. Three. Eight if you include car accidents.

Q. What's your favourite colour? 
A. Don't be so racist.

Q. Has that rash cleared up?
A. Not yet, no.

Old Rants

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