Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 19)
The term 'Office Romance' is redefined when a janitor discovers you having sex with a photocopier. A perfect storm of paper jam and simultaneous penis jam scuppers your plan for a quick getaway. Though collaterally-damaged pubes (shorn by the fire brigade's angle grinding equipment) regrow in weeks, slower to recover is your esteem among colleagues.
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Telling it like it probably isn't since 1948
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Who is the Begrudger?
Flann O'Coonassa is the controversial, best selling author of ‘Beating the Breathalyzer: the Garlic Escape’, ‘Avoisioning the Taxman’ and ‘Was Jesus Obese?’ He was born circa 1922 in a slurry pit among the rolling badlands of Leitrim, Ireland. The delivery was so traumatic that neither mother nor father survived.
Holder of a master’s degree from the school of hard knocks, a PHD from the college of tough breaks, and an online diploma from the University of Nebraska, Flann agonisingly slithered from the primordial sludge of his hellish, institutionalised upbringing to become arguably the world’s most celebrated thinker since Plato.
Famously described by Joan Collins as “that jackass”, Flann’s popularity has exploded in the last decade amidst the skyrocketing success of self-help literature and unsubstantiated, loosely researched non-fiction.
Also a disqualified lawyer with an astute eye for loopholes, Flann often boasts of being “acquitted more times than arrested”. The actual ratio is an impressive 1:3. Flann has sired many children in Ireland, America, Cambodia and Thailand, some of whom he supports financially.
Holder of a master’s degree from the school of hard knocks, a PHD from the college of tough breaks, and an online diploma from the University of Nebraska, Flann agonisingly slithered from the primordial sludge of his hellish, institutionalised upbringing to become arguably the world’s most celebrated thinker since Plato.
Famously described by Joan Collins as “that jackass”, Flann’s popularity has exploded in the last decade amidst the skyrocketing success of self-help literature and unsubstantiated, loosely researched non-fiction.
Also a disqualified lawyer with an astute eye for loopholes, Flann often boasts of being “acquitted more times than arrested”. The actual ratio is an impressive 1:3. Flann has sired many children in Ireland, America, Cambodia and Thailand, some of whom he supports financially.
Can I Contact the Begrudger?
Email any gripes or begrudgings to begrudger@rant.ie — the begrudger may (and by 'may', I mean 'will') steal and peddle them as his own without due acknowledgement.
He'll also be begrudging Facebook into submission here, and contaminating Twitter with his begrudgery here.
And...(sigh)...he'll be grumbling MySpace to dust here, and perforating Bebo like a pincushion with his prickliness here.
Older readers should note that he is no longer — I repeat, no longer — available by smoke signal or carrier pigeon. From here on, pigeons arriving in Begrudger Towers will be shot and their carcasses returned to sender by standard courier.
He'll also be begrudging Facebook into submission here, and contaminating Twitter with his begrudgery here.
And...(sigh)...he'll be grumbling MySpace to dust here, and perforating Bebo like a pincushion with his prickliness here.
Older readers should note that he is no longer — I repeat, no longer — available by smoke signal or carrier pigeon. From here on, pigeons arriving in Begrudger Towers will be shot and their carcasses returned to sender by standard courier.
Old Rants
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2009
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April
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- Final Page: The Bloodening
- Question Time: Wild Pumas, Adult Movies and Liz Ta...
- The Racist Friends Spin-off that Never Aired
- God Breaks His Silence on Evolution, Immaculate Co...
- Celebrity Tiling and Grouting 2009
- The Fifth Monkee
- Buttocks Watch: Day 37
- Begrudgoscopes: Lost Wallets, Didgeridoos, and Jim...
- Question Time: Elvis, Steve McQueen and The Pope
- Freaking out with Jack Nicholson and Dennis Hopper...
- Final Page: The Cattle Rustler and the Kid
- Health and Lifestyle: Staving off Heart Attacks
- The Origins of Easter (eggs)
- The Simpsons Uncut (as God intended)
- Cooking for Men: Recession-proof Recipies
- The Budget, Hannibal Lecter and Bigfoot
- Budget Special: Sile Seoige, Kenny Egan, and Twink...
- Begrudgoscopes
- Question Time with The Begrudger
- Pat Kenny Resignation Plunges Earth into Chaos
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April
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Kindred Ranters
Irish Begrudger by www.rant.ie is licensed under a Creative Commons License. Copyright © 2009 Flann O'Coonassa