Irish Begrudger: Oasis Split Dooms the Earth

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Oasis Split Dooms the Earth

The music world was effectively ended last week with the news that Noel Gallagher has quit Oasis. Rioting predictably erupted in all 147 of the world’s countries, causing the earth’s rotation to unsettle two centimeters from its usual axis, thereby setting us on a collision course with the sun for early 2011. Click here to read on.

Who is the Begrudger?

Flann O'Coonassa is the controversial, best selling author of ‘Beating the Breathalyzer: the Garlic Escape’, ‘Avoisioning the Taxman’ and ‘Was Jesus Obese?’ He was born circa 1922 in a slurry pit among the rolling badlands of Leitrim, Ireland. The delivery was so traumatic that neither mother nor father survived.

Holder of a master’s degree from the school of hard knocks, a PHD from the college of tough breaks, and an online diploma from the University of Nebraska, Flann agonisingly slithered from the primordial sludge of his hellish, institutionalised upbringing to become arguably the world’s most celebrated thinker since Plato.

Famously described by Joan Collins as “that jackass”, Flann’s popularity has exploded in the last decade amidst the skyrocketing success of self-help literature and unsubstantiated, loosely researched non-fiction.

Also a disqualified lawyer with an astute eye for loopholes, Flann often boasts of being “acquitted more times than arrested”. The actual ratio is an impressive 1:3. Flann has sired many children in Ireland, America, Cambodia and Thailand, some of whom he supports financially.

Can I Contact the Begrudger?

Email any gripes or begrudgings to begrudger@rant.ie — the begrudger may (and by 'may', I mean 'will') steal and peddle them as his own without due acknowledgement.

He'll also be begrudging Facebook into submission here, and contaminating Twitter with his begrudgery here.

And...(sigh)...he'll be grumbling MySpace to dust here, and perforating Bebo like a pincushion with his prickliness here.

Older readers should note that he is no longer — I repeat, no longer — available by smoke signal or carrier pigeon. From here on, pigeons arriving in Begrudger Towers will be shot and their carcasses returned to sender by standard courier.

Irish Begrudger

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Oasis Split Dooms the Earth

Who is the Begrudger?

Can I Contact the Begrudger?

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