Horoscopes: lion-taming, time travel and great white sharks

Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 19)

Be assertive with colleagues this week. Don’t be afraid to lay down the law. Though you’ll spontaneously combust at midday on Sunday, a torrential downpour will douse the flames and spare your life. You’ll barely have regained your composure when an escaped zoo orangutan named ‘Ghandi’ savages you to death in front of your traumatised children.

To read on, click here....